Fuck The Grind/ Autosave on

A Leader's Framework · Before Anything Formal

The Performance ConversationClear is kind.

Lead with care. Speak with clarity. Let the business need do the talking. For leaders who still believe in the person — and know the role must be done right.

Six steps · One pre-flight · One page to keep open in the room

The Principle

The business has a need.
Can this person meet it?

This conversation is not about filling a person into a role. It is about the role — and whether the person currently in it can give the business what it genuinely requires. That question gets asked with full empathy and care. It is never adversarial. You are not on opposite sides of the table.

Done well, this conversation resolves the majority of performance and availability issues before they escalate. It treats the person as a capable adult, names the reality clearly, and opens the door for a genuine answer — yes, no, or not yet.

The whole thing in one line
Clear is kind. Vague feels kind in the moment. But it leaves people stuck — and eventually blindsided.
Kim Scott — Radical Candour

When To Use This Framework

Use this before anything formal

This is the conversation before any PIP, any warning, any formal process. Use it when:

The drop-off

Performance or presence has dropped below what the role requires.

The change

Personal circumstances have changed a team member's capacity.

The gap

They haven't been told clearly what needs to change — and this is that moment.

The belief

You still believe in the person and want to give them a real chance.

Read this twice

This is not a PIP. Not a warning. It is an honest, human conversation — delivered before things deteriorate further. The goal is realignment, not removal.

Before You Walk In

The leader's pre-flight

Your mindset going in determines everything. Check these before you open the door.

Do this one first

Record it — with their permission

Have Fathom running, or any AI notetaker. Not so you can build a case against someone — so you can put the pen down and actually listen, and so the follow-up email is accurate rather than half-remembered. Ask at the top of the meeting, plainly. If they say no, turn it off and take notes by hand.

What to say — before anything else

"Before we start — I've got Fathom running so I'm not scribbling notes the whole time and can actually listen properly. It just writes up a summary for both of us. Are you okay with that? Genuinely happy to turn it off if you'd rather."

Afterwards, the transcript goes straight into the prompt in Write it up before it fades ↓

0/8
Ready to walk inNot started
    You're ready. Enter with care. Every box ticked. Empathy first, business need second, the question third.

    Draft It Before You Say It

    Name the need in writing first

    Step 4 is where this conversation is won or lost. If you can't write the requirement down in one clear sentence, you can't say it clearly in the room. Draft it here — it saves as you type, and it fills itself into the scripts below.

    Days, hours, output, standard, presence. Numbers beat adjectives.

    Name it plainly. This is what makes the ask fair rather than personal.

    How you'll both know it's working — without debating it.

    A date, not "in a few weeks". Book it in the conversation.

    ✗ Too vague to act on

    "I need you to be more engaged."

    "You need to show up more."

    "I want to see more ownership."

    ✓ Specific enough to answer

    "The role needs four days on site, Tuesday to Friday."

    "Every enquiry answered the same day."

    "You run the Monday meeting without me in it."

    Your Step 4 & 5 script — assembled

    Copied

    The Framework

    Open. Gather. Affirm.
    Clarify. Ask. Hold.

    Six steps, in order, every time. The sequence is what makes it fair — empathy before expectation, the business need before the question, and the same steadiness whatever the answer.

    1

    Open

    Lead with genuine empathy

    Before a word about performance

    Start here. Always. Before you say anything about performance, open the door to their world. Ask how they're doing and actually listen. This is not a formality. If something is going on personally, you need to understand it — because it will shape everything that follows.

    The goal here is simple: they feel genuinely heard before a single expectation is raised.

    What to say

    "How are you doing? I mean really — how are you going? I've noticed [observation] and I wanted to check in properly before anything else. Take as long as you need. I'm not in a hurry."

    Listen for
    • Signs of stress, grief, overwhelm, or circumstances you weren't aware of
    • How much self-awareness they're bringing into the room
    • Whether they already know this conversation is coming
    2

    Gather

    Understand their world before you share yours

    Their story, in their words

    Ask open questions and gather their perspective on the role, the situation, and how they're finding it. Don't lead. Don't correct. Don't share your view yet.

    You want to understand their stories, their feelings, their narrative — because the language and framing they use tells you how to reach them. The more you gather here, the more effective everything that follows becomes.

    What to say

    "How are you finding the role at the moment? What's been working for you? What's been hard? If anything's been getting in the way — inside or outside of work — I'd really like to understand it."

    Listen for
    • How they describe their own performance — do they see the gap?
    • What they're carrying outside of work
    • Their level of engagement with and connection to the role
    3

    Affirm

    Acknowledge, validate, set the frame

    The pivot

    Reflect back what you've heard. Name it specifically — not generically. Let them feel genuinely understood. Then, before you shift to the business need, frame the conversation: you're here together, on the same side of the table, trying to figure out what's right for them and for the business.

    This step is the pivot. Done well, it transforms the conversation from evaluative to collaborative.

    What to say

    "Thank you for sharing that. I want you to know I hear you, and I can't begin to imagine how [specific thing] must feel. I'm not here to put pressure on you. Whatever direction this goes, I want to make sure you feel supported through it. We're on the same side here."

    4

    Clarify

    Name what the role actually requires

    Specific. Concrete. No apology.

    Now you name the business need — clearly, specifically, and without apology. Not what you want from them personally. What the role requires. The business has a genuine need, and that need is what you're naming.

    Be concrete. Use numbers and specifics where relevant. Avoid vague language like 'more engaged' or 'showing up more'. The clearer this step, the fairer the conversation.

    What to say

    "What I want to share with you is what the business genuinely needs right now from this role. It needs [specific requirement — days, output, presence, standard]. I know that's different from what we originally agreed. Things have changed as we've grown, and I want to be completely honest with you about that."

    5

    Ask

    The direct question. Hold the silence.

    Then stop talking

    Ask clearly. Then stop talking. Don't fill the silence with reassurance or walk back what you've just said. The question is honest. Give them the space to give you an honest answer.

    Frame it so there's no wrong answer. You are genuinely open to hearing no — and they need to feel that. A forced yes that doesn't hold is worse than an honest no.

    What to say

    "So, given everything I've just shared — is that something you're able to give the business right now? It's genuinely okay if it's not. I just need an honest answer from you, whatever that is."

    Listen for
    • Their first instinct — not their considered answer
    • Whether they need time to think
    • What their body language says before their words do
    6

    Hold

    Honour the answer and plan forward

    Same steadiness either way

    Whatever their answer, respond with steadiness. This is the step that defines your integrity as a leader. You've led with care, you've been honest, and now you honour the outcome — whatever it is.

    Don't reward the answer you wanted with relief and punish the one you didn't. Both deserve the same steadiness. If yes: build a clear return plan together — milestones, support, and a check-in date. If no: explore a dignified transition with the same care you'd give anyone you respect.

    What to say

    "Whatever you decide, I'm grateful for your honesty. Let's figure out together what the right path forward looks like — for you and for the business."

    Their answer will be one of three things — and step six looks different in each. What to say in all three ↓

    Step Six, In Practice

    Yes. Unsure. No.

    This is step six — the three ways that holding the answer actually plays out. Whatever they say, respond with the same steadiness, and with a real answer rather than an improvised one.

    Yes — they're in

    They want to step up

    They want it. Now make it real. Co-create a return plan with clear milestones, support structures, and a check-in date. Don't leave this conversation without a specific first step agreed — a yes with no plan attached is just a nice moment.

    What to say

    "That means a lot — thank you. Let's make it real so it's not just a good conversation. Here's what I'll put behind you: [the support you're offering]. Here's what good looks like from here: [what good looks like]. And let's put a check-in in the diary now — [date] — so neither of us is guessing."

    Choose the support you're actually offering

    Tick only what you can genuinely deliver. What you tick flows into the script above and onto the printed cheat sheet.

      • Agree the first step before they leave the room — this week, not "soon".
      • Put the check-in in both diaries while you're still sitting there.
      • Write the plan down and send it the same day, so there is one version of it.
      Unsure — they need time

      Hold the space, hold the deadline

      Give them 24–48 hours to reflect, then reconvene with a clear answer required. Don't let ambiguity become the default — it helps no one, least of all them. A deadline here is a kindness, not pressure.

      What to say

      "I'd genuinely rather you took the time and gave me a real answer than said yes in this room and carried it home. Take until [day] and think it through properly. Whatever you land on won't change what I think of you — I just need to know so I can plan honestly around it."

      • Name the day and time you'll reconvene before you end this conversation.
      • Send them the requirement in writing so they're deciding on facts, not memory.
      • Don't chase them in between. Let them think.
      No — they can't give the role what it needs

      Thank them — then look for the re-match before the exit

      An honest no is a good outcome. It's the answer you asked for, and giving it took something. Thank them for it, and mean it.

      And a no is rarely a resignation. Most of the time it means not at this level, not right now, or not in this shape — not "I'm leaving". So before anyone talks about an exit, find out which no you're actually holding.

      What to say — first

      "Thank you for being straight with me. That took something, and it's exactly what I asked for — so I'm not going to make it awkward now you've given it to me. I also don't want either of us jumping to conclusions. Can I ask: is this a 'not right now', or is this role just not the right shape for you? Because depending on the answer, there might be more options here than either of us has looked at."

      If it's "not right now"

      Something in their life is temporary, even if it doesn't feel that way to them today. Look at a defined pause: reduced hours or days for a set period, leave, a step back from the hardest part of the role with a date to revisit. Put an end date on it so it isn't open-ended for either of you.

      If it's "not this shape"

      They can give a lot — just not this particular combination. Look at reshaping the role: narrow the scope, move the piece they can't carry to someone else, split it, or drop the part that was bolted on as you grew. Ask them which part is the problem; they usually know exactly.

      If it's "not this role"

      An honest mismatch, and no reshaping fixes it. Look at another seat first: is there somewhere else in the business that fits what they can give and what they're good at? Ask before you assume the answer is no.

      If none of those fit

      Then it's a transition — and you do that with the same care you've shown all the way through. Give it time, give them a say, and give them a soft landing. How this is handled is what the rest of your team will hear about, and what this person will remember.

      What to say — if it is a transition

      "Okay. Then let's do this properly, with no drama and no awkwardness. We'll work out a timeline that suits you rather than one I impose. You get a say in what the team is told and when. I'll write you a reference I actually mean, and I'll help where I can. What would make this easiest for you?"

      • Don't decide anything in this meeting that doesn't have to be decided today.
      • Say the options out loud — even ones you're not certain you can offer. You can go and check, then come back.
      • If it is a transition: agree the timeline, what the team is told, and who tells them.
      • Write the handover list together while you're both still in the room.
      • Name what you'll do for them afterwards — reference, introductions, notice period — and then actually do it.

      After The Conversation

      Write it up before it fades

      The conversation isn't finished until it's in writing. Send a short email within 24 hours. It gives them something to hold when the adrenaline drops, it makes sure you both walked out with the same understanding — and if this ever does become formal, the record already exists and it's a fair one.

      What did they answer?

      This changes the instructions and the tone of the prompt below.

      What are you working from?

      If you recorded the meeting, the prompt will tell the AI to use only what's actually in the transcript.

      Copy this into Claude — then paste your transcript or notes where it says
      
      
      
        
        Copied
      
      
    
      

    
      
      Before you paste anything
      
      This is a real person's hard week you're about to put into a tool. Don't paste anything you'd be uncomfortable with them reading, and keep health, family and financial details out of the written summary unless they've asked for them to be recorded. The email is a record of what the role needs and what was agreed — not a file on their personal life.
      
    
      
  
      

      



      
  
      
    
      Common Mistakes
      
    
      What not to do
      
    
      
    
      
      
        
      ✗ Don't✓ Do instead
      
            
      
        
      
          Skip the empathy and go straight to the issue
          Ask how they're doing and actually listen before you say anything else
        
      
        
      
          Make it about you or what you need
          Make it about what the role requires — separate it from the personal
        
      
        
      
          Be vague about what 'done' looks like
          Name specific requirements: days, output, standards — clearly and concretely
        
      
        
      
          Fill the silence after the direct question
          Ask the question and let it land. Wait for their answer.
        
      
        
      
          Soften your message so much it doesn't land
          Be clear. Clear is kind. Vagueness is unkind.
        
      
        
      
          Have the conversation over email or message
          Always synchronous. Always in person or live video.
        
      
        
      
          React to the answer you didn't want
          Honour every answer with the same steady dignity
        
      
            
    
      
  
      

      



      
  
      
    
      Quick Reference
      
    
      The one-page cheat sheet
      
    
      
    
      Keep this open during the conversation. A script frees you to listen.
      
    
      
      
      1
      Open
      Ask how they're doing — and actually listen before anything else.
      
      
      2
      Gather
      Ask open questions. Understand their world. Don't share your view yet.
      
      
      3
      Affirm
      Reflect back what you heard. Let them feel understood. Frame it: same side.
      
      
      4
      Clarify
      Name what the role requires. Specific. Clear. No apology. Not personal.
      
      
      5
      Ask
      Ask the direct question. Stop talking. Let the silence land.
      
      
      6
      Hold
      Honour whatever they say. Build a plan forward. Same dignity either way.
      
    
      
    
      
      
      Yes
      Make it real
      Name the support, name what good looks like, book the check-in before they leave the room.
      
      
      Unsure
      Hold the deadline
      24–48 hours, a named day to reconvene, the requirement sent in writing.
      
      
      No
      Find the re-match
      Thank them, then ask which "no" it is. Pause it, reshape it, or re-seat it before anyone talks about leaving.